Awkward, is what I felt when I heard you liked someone else.

I didn’t know what to feel honestly, or if I was even allowed to feel what my heart was hinting towards. Do I?? Do I have any right to let these emotions swirl inside of me? Why are they happening? I didn’t think I would react like this. I have no right to think about you or care about you…right? If it’s so right, why does it feel so wrong? Why does everything only feel right when you’re here with me? Why the fuck do you like someone else? You’re not allowed to move on, not before me. You’re not allowed to be happy without me. You can’t actually smile and love someone else…how can you? After everything you’ve felt with me, does anything even compare? No one holds a candle to you. No one can even make me feel 1% of what you did.

So why are you moving along, while I’m here, desperately hoping you’ll come back? This is so unfair. All I can fucking think about is you, and you’re having the time of your life with some girl. Sorry. I can’t be the bigger person and wish you eternal happiness and rainbows and unicorns cause I still love you. I will never be able to look you straight in the eye and pretend everything’s fine and dandy. I can’t be graceful or let you go and love someone else, either. I’m stubborn, you should know that. 

People are annoyances. Just know, if you were expecting to force me to forget about you, or even let your heart go, then you were wrong. I know you love me too. I sound really creepy right now, but I know you do. I just do. I know that you can’t love anyone until I release it. So…might as well stop trying to hurt me in the process. I’m not as tough as you make me out to be.